What is it about EBay that attracts some of the worst dreamers, weirdoes, freaks and oddbod’s? As someone who is always shifting bits and pieces of clothing to make room and free up funds for new stuff I have been plagued with such people for years, but recently it has reached a new high, or low as the case maybe.
At the beginning of the month I listed a CP Company Nyfoil Jacket for auction, ten minutes later I received my first message:

“Hi Mate, if you still have this at the end of next month I will 100% have it, if you can do it for £360 that is? I will try and get it before then, but if not I will defo have it at the end of next month”

At the end of next month? I mean what planet is this guy on? What the actual f*ck! Later that day, two hours later to be precise, I received my second message from another ambitious Ebayer:

“Hi Mate, what is the is the pit 2 pit measurement”

I replied with 23” mate, as described in the listing, thank you very much for your enquiry”. Then the geezer came back with:

“Hello again, can you please take a picture of yourself wearing the jacket, Oh and do the Goggles fold away into the hood”

To be honest I had to laugh at the way he tried to normalise his request by asking about the Goggles at the end of the message, I have 100’s of such messages which I have collected over the years which reads like a rogues gallery of online timewasters, or a Panini sticker album full of piss takers.  Anyway before you even consider a placing a bid on EBay please follow and adhere to the simple steps listed below:

1. Make sure you can afford the item that you are looking at as being a skint, time wasting tw*t may cause serious offence.

2. Please do not send any irritating messages, strange requests or invitations to attend devil worshipping events, swinger’s parties or Motherwell home matches.

3. Don’t ask for selfies of the seller modelling the item, because it’s down right f*cking weird.

4. Stay out of my f*cking way .